As we all can see this post is a little different but that's okay because the topic alone is different.
With that being said, lets get to it as I propose the following question:
What comes after healing?
What comes after all the digging through the mishaps that led you to a horrifying stagnant; which with time, eventually converts into a decent flow that allows you to overcome those circumstances?
I ask because where I am right now proposes these questions loud and clear. This question of What do you do now circles 'round my head, buzzing around my ears, as I swat away the annoyance because I find myself without an answer.
As someone who needed to get away to find humility, clearance and closure --I have.
That much I can admit.
But as someone who has found her next step in solidifying all these months of exclusion into a plan --I haven't.
And that much is very hard to admit.
Yet why is that?
For people who have gone on this journey that I am currently on, find it utterly gratifying that they have been able to march through the trenches and finally find the horizon at the end of the rut.
People find it humbling that they made it through and are able to take the next step to growing because they survived the hardest part.
Mind you, I have made it through the trenches, I am constantly staring at the horizon and with my every might, I want to take the next step.
But how in the world, did they figure out which steps to take next?
How did they know, that after healing they would conquer whatever platform?
So this morning, I actually took the time to find these answers for myself and although, I'm not quite clear if the rest of the world can agree on these methods, I still think I am headed in the right direction.
Here's what I've concluded:
1. Taking the time out to configure a plan:
As a creative individual, I constantly battle with wanting to do every thing. But I need to start somewhere, so configuring a plan on where I would like to start can not only give momentum but also, point me in the right direction.
2. Taking all the lessons learned and implementing it into the next chapter:
For certain, I didn't endure all these months for nothing. Once I configure my plan, I can then sprinkle in what I have learned. This way, I am able to deviate myself from what hindered me the last time and to ultimately see things in a new perspective.
3. Letting go of the fear of going back:
What I know about failing is I never what to go through it again. Although it's inevitable.
And with the more I've failed, the more I am able to embrace that it's a part of life.
Unfortunately, when people experience failure, they decide that they never want to return to where it took place, and this is where I think they can go wrong.
Because for me, to never go back, would be throwing away everything I worked for.
Like, why did I endure all those months of grief, hate, happiness and clarity just to shut the door on the one thing I need to conquer again?
And maybe this isn't what you need to do but before you decide, outweigh your pros and cons of returning.
Letting go of the fear of returning and deciding to return to that place, will open many doors.
As I believe it's because by then, I have completed steps 1 and 2.
To blueprint my plan, implement my lessons and confronting a fear that will eventually let go of its reigns and welcome me back with open arms.
Now, what happens after Step 3 is for no one; including myself, to worry about.
We don't go through a process of healing to worry about tomorrow, that is one major thing my healing process has taught me.
That I am control of today, and within every minute I am living that
moment and marking up my walls with life and certainty.
That what comes after healing is figuring out what to do with all you've learned and trying again, at what you once failed at.
As this time, I am different. I am stronger, better, more aware and more appreciative of my surroundings, talents and people.
---Damn, now I get it.